and you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it’s sinking

i've been thinking a lot about a lot of things lately. i always am, but i think for the first time since i've been a grown up, i.e. moving to cincinnati, i'm actually thinking about things a little bit differently. for the first year of being a grown up, i thought about how to solve a problem that i now understand may be unsolvable, and i thought about every possible way to drown out the loneliness from what i felt at the time was the equivalent of being left at the altar. between those two things, that pretty much occupied my thoughts for about the year. that was a hard year. for my second year of being a grown up, i thought about what makes me happy. i thought about what i value, what i believe in, what i want. a year ago, i said i knew who i was, and i actually may have thought i did, but i know now so much more about myself than i ever did, and i also know i'll always keep learning more and more about myself. so what am i thinking now? i'm thinking about the years to come. what i should be doing in the next year to help set me on the right path. i know that everything will turn out okay at the end of the day, and i know that what happens in the next year doesn't determine the rest of my life, but i also know that we make certain decisions in life that result in certain outcomes, and different decisions can result in very different outcomes. so i think this is going to be a big year with big decisions. i know this doesn't necessarily sound different from me over the past two years, but it's the decisions that i'm leaning towards that are different. the things that i want are different than the things i wanted two years ago.