taking life in its broadest sense

today my friend christine saved me.  she saved me earlier this afternoon, i mean really saved me.   when i was on the verge of falling apart, christine saved me.  she put me together, i took a deep breath, and went back to preparing for my meeting.  my friend kreena stood by me on saturday, she held my hair back.  my friend stacey gave me the courage and reassurance i needed last night.  i miss stacey, it's been a long time since i've seen her, but we always can pick up so easily where we left off because we live in parallel worlds.  all in all, this past week or so, i've been reminded that i have the most incredible friends.  i am so unbelievably lucky. 

so later tonight, christine invited me over, and we chatted and watched two week's notice.  in this movie, sandra bullock played this woman who believes in helping the community and making a difference, and of course there's a boy, hugh grant.

at one point, hugh says to her, "you are a cause.  you make Gandhi look like a used-car salesman...none of us can keep up with you.  that's probably why all those other guys bolted.  because you're intolerable!  no one wants to live with a saint.  saints are boring."

i've been told before that i'm too nice.  i've been told before that it's boring when there's never any fights.  i've been told before that i'm too happy all the time.  i've been told before there's nothing enjoyable about the rain.  it's so easy to believe all that because when i've been told this, these people have genuinely meant it.

but through this past week or so, i've been reminded by all sorts of people that i am the person i want to be (for the most part, there's still a lot more life i have to live, a lot more growing).  i've been told that i'm amazing as i am, that i have a profound effect on people, that i live life how many often want to, that i have an enormous ability to take life in its broadest sense.  and the people in my life, tell me not to change, that i inspire them because of who i am.  even my marketing director told me don't change, don't stop playing, don't start wearing shoes.  play.  indulge in life.  believe in neverland.  be happy, spread happiness.  this is who i am, all that i believe in, this is what makes me, me.  and someday, i'll find someone who wants to be a part of it all.  the one big change that i am making is installing some needed filters in my life to protect myself because at the end of the day, i still live in reality.

anyways, the next few weeks in india should help re-center me.  it'll be a time for me of much needed self-reflection.

and in case you are wondering, sandra bullock does win hugh grant in the end:
"i need your advice on one last thing, then i promise you will never hear from me again. you see, i've just delivered the first speech i've written entirely by myself since we met, and i think i may have blown it. i want to ask your thoughts. okay? then i will read it to you. i'd like to welcome everyone on this special day. island towers will bring glamour and prestige to the neighborhood and become part of brooklyn's renaissance. and i'm very pleased and proud to be here. unfortunately, there is one fly in the ointment. you see, i gave my word to someone that we wouldn't knock down this building behind me. and normally, and those of you who know me or were married to me can attest to this, my word wouldn't mean very much. so why does it this time? well, partly because this building is an architectural gem and deserves to be landmarked and partly because people really do need a place to do senior's water ballet and cpr. preferably not together. but mainly because this person, despite being unusually stubborn and unwilling to compromise and a very poor dresser, is... she's rather like the building she loves so much. a little rough around the edges but, when you look closely, absolutely beautiful. and the only one of her kind. and even though i've said cruel things and driven her away, she's become the voice in my head. and i can't seem to drown her out. and i don't want to drown her out. so, we are going to keep the community center. because i gave my word to her and because we gave our word to the community."

someday, a boy will find me perhaps somewhat intolerable and a little rough around the edges, but also absolutely beautiful, maybe even stunning, only one of her kind.  in the meantime, i'll be loving life in every other way.